Caregiver guilt is real.  Being a caregiver is incredibly difficult; it is physically and mentally exhausting at times.  As a caregiver we always want the best for our loved ones, and we typically feel that we are the only ones who can provide the kind of care we think our loved ones need.  When we are feeling fatigued, physically and mentally, we begin to experience guilt with the idea of asking for help or taking a break.  In a way, we feel like we are abandoning our loved one in their time of need, or that we are a weak person.  Learning to cope with caregiver guilt will actually allow you to be a better caregiver.

First, and most importantly, as a caregiver, you are strong.  Please validate yourself.  You have made the decision to put someone’s else’s needs before yours.  You have committed to be the main provider of support for your loved one.  Not everyone is as selfless as you.  When you accept this responsibility, caregiver guilt will be looming.  That’s okay because there are ways to overcome this barrier when challenges arise, and you feel you need a break.  The first step in reducing caregiver guilt is validation.

It is only natural that as you provide care to your loved one, you may become frustrated at times.  While you may not think of caregiving as a job, in a sense, it is.  Jobs require time commitment, emotional commitment, dedication and the expectation of performing at optimal levels.  Did you ever become frustrated as a paid employee?  Maybe you had to work longer than expected on a day that you had something fun planned, or you had a day where there was an unexpected bump in the road.  These situations can occur when you are a caregiver too.

Second, acknowledge that everyone needs help from someone at some point.  This includes you.  When you feel like you need a break, a short break or an extended break, it’s okay.  Challenge the caregiver guilt and accept that you can ask for help.  Is there a friend or family member that has already said, “let me know if you need anything”?  While you probably feel like you are transferring your burden to someone else, you are giving them the opportunity to experience the rewarding effects of caregiving.  Asking someone to sit with your loved one for even a few hours is beneficial for your loved one, you and the interim caregiver.

Everyone benefits when the primary caregiver is allowed a break.  As the caregiver, you receive time to step away and focus on yourself.  You know the old saying, “you can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself”.  This is very true.  Choose an activity that brings you happiness, comfort and relaxation during your break.  That may be having lunch with a dear friend, going to the spa, or getting a massage.  This is your time, use it wisely and make the most of it.

Your loved one probably senses that you are feeling tired or frustrated with caring for them.  When you take time for yourself, they feel happiness knowing that you are doing something you enjoy.  This also allows them time with someone else, a change in scenery, for lack of a better term.  As you are enjoying time of relaxation, you will return to take care of your loved one in a refreshed state.  Think of a time when you had a bad day at work.  Sometimes taking a quick break to treat yourself to an iced coffee or a quick walk around the block, elevates your mood.

Lastly, tackle caregiver guilt by changing your caregiving outlook to a positive one.  I support clients who depend on a primary caregiver, and I have been the caregiver.  It’s easy to think as the caregiver, “Why is this all on me?”.  After beginning to suffer physical and mental fatigue, I realized that I’m in a better place, if I spin negative thoughts to positive ones.  Instead, I would think, “I’m lucky to have the ability to be a caregiver”.  Caregiving is an intimate interaction and you have been given this special opportunity.

In summary, your loved one is counting on you to take care of them, and they are counting on you to take care of yourself.  Don’t allow caregiver guilt to get the best of you.  By validating that you are already strong, acknowledging that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for help, and focusing on the positive aspects of your caregiving abilities, you will become a better caregiver.  When you are feeling less stressed and well rested, the care you provide is elevated.  Do make time for yourself, you certainly deserve it.

Check out this valuable resource through the Office on Aging and Independence https://www.howardcountymd.gov/aging-independence/caregiver-support-program.  If you need additional resources for support, please contact me https://wellnessstrategiesgroup.com/contact/.  I’m happy to point you in the right direction.