“I Want to go Home”.  Sometimes those living with dementia may not recognize that they are in their home, or perhaps they have moved out of their long-time home. They may frequently say, “I want to go home”, and this can be emotional and challenging for the caregiver. This phrase is often a desire for familiarity or comfort rather than actually needing to return to a previous home.  In this blog we discuss tips for supporting your loved one with dementia when they say this phrase.

Here are ways to respond:
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Validate their feelings by saying, “I understand you want to go home. I know you miss being there”. You may also ask, “Is there anything you need from home?” They may be longing for the comfort and safety that we all feel when we are at home.  It could also be that they miss a person who lived with them, or a pet.  If they recently moved to a new care setting, they may be missing the familiar routine, layout or a sense of independence.  If you can create conversation that leads towards what they are longing for, you can try to replicate what is missing.  

Investigate other unmet needs.  Saying, “I want to go home” could also represent another need that your loved one cannot verbally communicate, such as being tired, in pain, hungry, or feeling overwhelmed in an active or noisy environment.  Consider these basic needs and address them accordingly.  

Reassure your loved one that they are in a safe place and that you are there to help. Offer supportive body language by sitting next to them or offering your hand.  You can say something like, “I’m here with you and you are safe”.  For some people, saying, “For right now, this is your home”, may work.  

Gently redirect the conversation to something calming and comforting such as taking a walk, listening to preferred music, or engaging in a favorite activity.  Join them in the activity so you maintain a sense of security.  Sometimes this will help shift the focus and provide comfort.

Reminiscing about their previous home can allow them to feel more connected. You can say, “Tell me about your home”, or “I remember sitting on the front porch with you.”  The ability to remember details will vary depending on where your loved one is in their dementia journey.  It’s okay to fill in the blanks and provide additional information.  For example, “You lived on 123 Maple Street in Ellicott City, and I visited you there every Christmas”.   “You always made the best apple pie”.  

Ensure that their current environment feels familiar by adding photos and cherished personal items.  Creating a comfortable and inviting room, apartment, etc. that doesn’t resemble a hospital, or rehab helps create a sense of a long stay, rather than a short visit.  It’s not uncommon for your loved one to believe that they are in a place to get better, or they may even believe they are staying in a hotel.  

Always avoid arguing or continued attempts to rationalize.  Take their perception at face value.  If you attempt to change their belief, it can lead to frustration and agitation for them, and for you.  It’s better to use the above tips for supporting your loved one with dementia when they have a strong need to return home.
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Each situation is unique so it may take some time to determine what works best for your loved one. Continuing to approach the situation with compassion while learning to be flexible in adapting how you respond will be beneficial for both of you.  If you are having difficulty responding to repetitive phrases, please contact me to learn tips for supporting your loved one with dementia.