If you’re caring for someone with dementia, you probably didn’t plan for this.  Maybe you stepped in out of love.  Or obligation.  Or both.  You might have thought it would be temporary, or that your siblings would help.  But here you are – months or even years in, exhausted, heartbroken, and wondering if anyone really sees what you’re going through.

I want you to know this:  you’re not alone, even if it feels like you are.

As a nurse and dementia care consultant, I’ve supported hundreds of caregivers.  I’ve seen the silent battles behind closed doors, the tears held back in doctor’s offices, the guilt, the anger, the grief.  And I’ve seen the love too- the fierce, resilient, never-give-up kind of love that defines caregiving.

But love doesn’t mean this isn’t hard.  So, let’s talk about it; openly and honestly about the emotional weight of dementia caregiving.

The Truth No One Talks About

Caregiving changes you.

You might find yourself feeling:

Guilty for losing your patience or just wanting a break.

Sad that they don’t remember your name, or that you are losing your best friend.

Angry at your family for disappearing.

Resentful that your life has been put on hold.

Anxious about what the future looks like.

Lonely, even when you’re never physically alone.

One of the most painful things I hear from caregivers is this:  “I feel abandoned.  My family doesn’t help.  They don’t call.  They act like it’s not happening.”

Unfortunately, this is common.  Many caregivers feel like the weight of the entire diagnosis has been dropped on their shoulders.  Family members often step back, hoping you’ll “just handle it” – and you do, because you love them.  But it doesn’t mean it’s fair.  And it doesn’t mean you should carry it alone.

The Silent Costs

Caregivers face more than just emotional strain.  You may also be juggling:

• Sleepless nights
• Missed work for financial strain
• Medical appointments and medication management
• Your loved one’s behaviors or confusion
• You own declining health from stress
• Taking over all of the household responsibilities that were once shared
• Feeling invisible

All while pretending you’re fine – because you have to be.

What Can You Do?

Here are a few ways to support both your loved one and yourself – because your well-being matters too when you are navigating the emotional weight of dementia caregiving.

Name Your Emotions

Say them out loud or write them down.  “Today, I feel overwhelmed”.  “I’m sad that she forgot my birthday.”  Naming it helps you process it without shame.

Ask for Help (Even if It’s Awkward)

When people say “let me know if you need anything,” tell them exactly what you need:

• Can you sit with Mom for two hours on Saturday?
• Can you pick up her medications this week?
• Can you take over dinner one night a week?

If they still don’t step up, you’re allowed to set boundaries and seek outside help.  You are not required to do this alone forever.

Talk to Someone

Join a support group where you can connect with others following a similar path, seek consultation with a therapist, or reach out to a dementia care expert who can help you make sense of the dementia journey.

Schedule Respite Regularly

This isn’t selfish.  This is survival.  Use adult day centers, home care aides, or even friendly visitors through local organizations.  Call it “time off” or “recharging” if that feels better.  Just don’t wait until you’re falling apart.

Educate Your Circle

Sometimes, family members don’t help because they don’t understand dementia.  Invite them to a virtual session, send them articles, or ask them to talk with a consultant (like me).  The more they know, the less afraid they’ll be.

Create Rituals of Self-Care

Even five minutes to yourself can help.  This could be a daily walk, journaling, or an easy 5-minute breathing practice.  Maybe taking a few minutes to sip your favorite coffee or tea brings you happiness – do whatever happy is for you.

Plan Ahead

Hard decisions like planning a care transition or considering hospice care is one of the most stressful things you can experience.  By making a plan before there is a crisis, you will reduce some of the stress.

Let Go of Perfect

Your goal isn’t to be a perfect caregiver – it’s to be a present one.  If your loved one is safe, fed, and feels some comfort, that’s enough.  It’s okay to get it wrong.  You are human and we all make mistakes.

A Note from Me to You

You are doing something extraordinary – and extraordinarily hard.  You are grieving someone while still loving them.  You are showing up, again and again, even when your tank is empty.  That matters.  You matter.

I see your strength, your heart, and your pain.  And I want you to know that support exists – whether it’s through education, consultation, or just someone to say, “You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.”

If you need help navigating care, family dynamics, or just want to feel less alone, I offer free consultations to caregivers like you.  I’m here to walk alongside you – not judge, but guide and support.

Need Support?

Let’s talk.  Schedule your free 20-minute consultation here.  Or explore more caregiver resources here.  You don’t have to carry this alone.  And you shouldn’t have to.

Always, sending you strength and hugs as you travel the caregiving journey.